Devastation

 So this is going to be an emotional post but feel it needs to be shared. In 2004 I lost a patch of hair no reason just happened this was in August. Then in March the following year it grew back again, no triggers or anything. 

I lives like this for years hair coming out in August and then growing back in March. 

I had my first appointment with dermatology and was told it’s probably stress at least it grows back. I would like to point out that my dad passed suddenly in March that year and it had already started to grow back. Needless to say that put me off seeking help for years. Every year the patches got bigger and bigger but as my hair was so long I was able to cover it. 

Went to various people and paid a fortune trying to find “the cure” all it did was waste money. I went to see an amazing professor in Sheffield and he was fascinated by the way it would shred and grow and he did a paper on it and referred me to a local dermatologist who he had trained. In 2012 I went to Australia and had no loss that year at all. 

Due to the way my hair would grow and come back I was asked to speak to dermatologists from all over the country (I felt like a judge on x-factor as each one came in chatted to me and went) not one of them could figure out what was happening as seasonal alopecia was unheard of. 

Every year I would lose hair and every time my confidence went with it. I never showed it but I was breaking inside. I pretended I was fine but inside I was dying every day and can honestly say I wasn’t living all those years I was just surviving and pretending I was ok. 

In August 2015 it happened again and I assumed it would be like every other time but sadly it was so bad I had no choice but to shave the lot. As I was going to lose my hair anyway I thought as I was not going to be able to hide it anymore I would brave the shave for cancer research (this was before it became a thing)

After that I had nothing. 

I shut myself away from the world as much as I could and if I’m completely honest I even considered ending my life several times alopecia doesn’t just take you hair it takes your soul with it. 

Losing eyelashes and eyebrows was even harder. I always had long eyelashes and at least I felt kinda normal but when they went I stopped going out as I could no longer face the world. My first suicide attempt was in 2016. I did it many times after this but it never worked so I now think I have a reason for been here.  I really hope my blog helps people. Feel free to reach out if you need to. Alopecia may be a lonely journey but together and by chatting to one another we can share our experiences and support each other

Dare to dream

xxxx